Mar. 18th, 2010 04:44 pm
persona_system: A young boy looking sad (E: Self portrait)

Nevada has two state trees, the Single Leaf Pinon Pine and the Bristlecone Pine. Individual specimens of the Bristlecone are thought to be the oldest single living things on earth, although several species of cloning trees have older specimens as mentioned in the article above.

In our group, we all pretty much fanboy the landscape of the western US. The body was raised in Ely, NV which is near the largest Bristlecone forest, and we've spent many holidays wandering around those desolate mountains collecting garnets and sitting on the roots of trees that pre-date the roman empire.

It's a humbling place, although much of the landscape of the west is humbling. For example, the redwood forests of California, or the Pando grove. We've never been to Pando, but we've visited what's believed to be in the top five oldest Aspen groves. It's estimated age was about 40,000 years old.

It's depressing to think that in a hundred years all of these great trees might be dead, if encroaching civilization and the current pollution and climate change trends continue unabated. How sad to think that a living organism that's been alive longer than humanity has been in existence is being threatened by a single species gone out of control.

I've decided I'm going to redo my astronomy write-up. I've been itching to tackle this project for awhile and I'm becoming increasingly aware of the general ignorance we have as a society about subjects that are critically important. I'll start with my run-down of the Solar System. If it goes well, I'll move on to other subjects. Wish me luck.
persona_system: Sephiroth in the sunset. Hope. (S: Hope)
We're back into our normal event schedule, with events every weekend. I don't know how next month looks, though. Hopefully we won't have to omuch downtime.

We're taking advantage of what might be our last free weekend in a while. We're going to go wardrobe revamping this weekend, and I have a list of about a billion things we're going to buy. We're going to make use of that gift certificate we got for Lane Bryant, too, finally. I put aside quite a bit of money for this. I'm also spring cleaning our makeup, since most of it is too old to safely use or it doesn't match our summer tan. :D

We got a large 1 1/2"  barrel curling iron last week, and I've been loving it. It doesn't do much to make our hair more curly, but it does help our hair curl in an even direction and it really cuts down on frizz. It also really helps define the natural ringlets we have on the sides of our head, which is fantastic too.

I painted our nails a few days ago, too, but I redid them today. Super sparkly pink and green for spring.  More nailpolish is on the cosmetics shopping list too, since we're out of some key colors. Nail polish REMOVER too, since i hate scraping the crap off.

Other than that I've been enjoying the weather. Spring is in full swing down here, and we'll probably only have another month of it before it starts heating up to summer temperatures.

I'm not sure if i've mentioned this on the journal yet, but we've lost 13 pounds since November. I'm pretty thrilled with that, and for the past few days we've been working on getting our room squeaky clean so we can rearrange it a bit somehow and get the DDR mat down again. I've also been basically ignoring the internet outside of "fun stuff" since the weather is so nice.

Anyway, we have like 20 comments and crap to catch up on, but I haven't been in the mood to go through them. If you're waiting for a response to something, sorry, we'll probably get to it in the next few days!
persona_system: Kadaj looking scary. Needles. (S: Needle)
I'm not going to put this behind a cut, because, really, it's vomit. Everyone deals with it sometimes.

Yes, for the first time ever we could not make it to the toilet before we puked. In fact, I barely managed to haul ass out of bed and off our area rug before everything came back up. In the dark, all over our shoes and socks. Lovely.

I don't want to risk going back to bed. We still feel nauseous, even after spending an hour cleaning up our floor....

(Five min later)

Yep, I was right. Type that line and had to run straight to the can. Well, I think that was pretty much the rest of our stomach. I got to the nasty solid bits that time, the first time it was just noodles. Wasn't so bad though, we had some chocolate cookies for dessert and those came up last, counteracting the acid taste. Fantastic.

Note to Self: Make those cookies next time we're sick.

I'm still feeling jittery. The body's not quite nauseous anymore, but I don't know if that will last. I have a feeling we got sick from one of the customers today, since they were ALL covered in snot, and we did quite a few kids. We've got the cold chills and clamminess of a fever, just not the spiked temperature, yet. Although we might actually be mildly feverish, but I can't check our temp since I'm drinking water.

We should have to go to the event tomorrow, but I don't think we will. I told our mother to set her alarm so that she could get up early enough to go for us. I managed to make a fair bit of cash today, and I even pocketed a bit of it, so we're good for this weekend, really. I don't want to go to work anyway, I'm beat.

Anyway, I don't know what else to talk about, unless I go into more gross TMI, so, this is Sephiroth, dealing with crap. See ya.

I'm here.

Feb. 26th, 2010 05:17 pm
persona_system: (Sch: Ich bin hier)
sterne ziehen an mir vorbei
die welt erscheint so klein
ein silberstreif am horizont

schwerelos im leeren raum
das licht voll sternenstaub
ein sonnenaufgang der bald kommt

ich bin hier
ich bin hier
ich bin hier bei dir
dein astronaut

Sephiroth, you're a dick. That was a rude awakening.

Thanks for helping me to remember what I worked for. I'm here. I won't forget again. I'm sorry we fucked up the system for so long, I'm sorry we weren't communicating. We'll work together now.

Sephiroth, Zax, Raz, Ender, Fayt.... I'll help.

Do you like my icon?

persona_system: (FL: Float On)
System stress. When it carries over to the body it gets on my nerves. I don't know how Seph and Zax handle this crap, really. I mean, stress headaches, tension, stiffness, nausea.

At least that main cause of the stress has gone away (thanks, Sel). Now we're just mopping up the last little remainders.

I think I'm going to do a bit of housecleaning on the computer tonight. We fell off the boat with it a bit the past two weeks, and I don't want us falling behind. We used to make it a tradition to go through all the pictures and stuff at least once a week. Put on some music and clean up all the scattered files, run a defrag, etc. I guess we just got out of the habit with it when we moved. We weren't using our own computer, so everything had to fit in just a couple of folders. Nothing to clean up. Never got back in the habit.

Maybe I can get Nagi out here. Or Nein. They're both into organizing. Ugh, stupid headache. ... First World Problems, system guys. Seriously. Figure your issues out.

We need to go clothes shopping like woah. We've got a lot of work coming up really fast. Raz, I know you could sell jewelry dressed in a paper sack, but the rest of us aren't going to be comfortable until we look like not-a-hobo. Sephiroth, maybe part of the reason you're depressed all the time is your music is so fucking depressing. Goddamn man, start listening to some Metallica or something, seriously.

So, yeah, get some better clothes, get some better music. I think I'm going to take us shopping for something this weekend. Sephiroth, it's not going to undermine your big savings plan to spend a little money on something for us. Besides, you know if this year is anything like last year we'll soon have more cash than we know what to do with.

Also, guys, whoever's up for the task, we need to research to find some new events, and get the current event schedule. We'll probably be paying for Sandbass and Magnolia, at this rate, so we need to know how much we're gonna have to spring for those. Deadlines are looming. Also, check into Potts Peanut and that Jazz Fest.

persona_system: Sephiroth in the sunset. Hope. (S: Hope)
Fanfic, I mean. The problem is, I don't know what kind of fanfic I want to write. It's no a writer's block. Rather, it's a sort of anti-writers block. I want to write. I have the energy for it. I just don't know how to channel that energy.

I went through our list of fandoms we've written for. FF7, what would we say that hasn't been done a hundred times before? What would we write that would be interesting enough to keep our attention, but not personal? Weiss, I don't care about that fandom, that's Schwarz's. Psychonauts? Maybe. There's a lot of things we could say, a lot of stories Raz could tell... But, would it be worth it? Harry Potter.... We could work on the Judas Chronicle again. But we'd have to reread the books, and I don't feel like spending a week rereading the series just to work on a fic.

*sigh* What to do...
persona_system: Walking through the rain. Duty. (S: Duty)
... earlier in the week. My boyfriend's system is going through a bit of a tough time right now, and that's been a little emotionally draining for us. (Plus, last week and into this week seemed to be a wank explosion on all the LJ comms. Must be something in the air causing people to go fucking nuts.) Needless to say, we have a very limited number of spoons set aside for dealing with people and they got used up pretty quick.

This weekend at work didn't help, either. Fucking miserable. Record setting snowfall in Dallas, and we had to be outside working the day after. Needless to say, I don't believe we even made booth rent. In fact, I think it was the single worst month we've ever done at McKinney. The reasons are myriad, but I think McKinney is dying as a market. I'm not sure if we're going to go next month. I might insist just because March is generally such a good month for us at both McKinney and Bonham. After that, we'll probably drop it. We estimated we made about 10K at McKinney last year and I'm not sure if that's accurate or not. But, that makes it the single most expensive event we did, and it took up the most amount of time.

What it's coming down to is, we can take up a weekend every month and spend $200 to do McKinney and make about $1000, or we can find events for at least half of those weekends and potentially spend about $200 apiece to make closer to an average of 3k. McKinney used to be good for reliable money, but it's not reliable anymore.

Other than that, I'm thinking of doing a series of (locked) journals detailing each year of this body's life. Some won't be terribly specific, but I'm hoping to focus on things that a. might be interesting to those who know us very well and b. are things I'd like to analyze in greater detail for my own purposes. We, as a system, have distanced ourselves from the body's childhood simply because we weren't here. We are discovering more fears and issues that are tied not to us but to the body directly. I'm hoping I can bring those issues to light so that we can really work through those problems. I'd like not to be held under the sway of misfiring synapses.

I wrote out a rough timeline on a sheet of notebook paper for us to work from. Right now I'm wondering if I should start at birth, or start this year and work backwards. I'm also wondering how much detail I should go into. The more I include, the higher the flock level will need to be. Or perhaps I can post this on my personal journal. I suppose I'll try to go into as much detail as I can. 21 years is 21 entries or less, perhaps. Not that much. Well, I'll give it a try.

Violet, I love you.
What I'm listening to. )
persona_system: (R: Pscyhonaut)
I know there's a few of you on the flist. I stumbled across this earlier today on LJ's weepingcock comm, and I figured you guys would appreciate it. How to Write Badly Well. Pass it on to all your fic writing friends. :)

-Raz, The Psychonaut
persona_system: "I am a soldier. I fight where I'm told, and win where I fight." (Default)
It snows about 10" at our house today. We have McKinney this weekend, and the rules state we have to be there during vendor hours. Fridays are technically optional, but I don't think we've ever taken one off. I'm not sure what exactly the plan is. It's supposed to be warm on Saturday (mid 50s), but McKinney probably has about as much snow as we do, so there's really no sense to go tomorrow.

We'll be back around on Monday, most likely. I'll try and work through our mail over the weekend, but as usual, no promises on responses.

To my dearest loves, be well. I'm thinking of you always.
persona_system: Walking through the rain. Duty. (S: Duty)
This was the closest book that actually had WRITING on page 123. The rest were art books.

1. Grab the nearest book.
2. Open the book to page 123.
3. Find the fifth sentence.
4. Post the text of the next 4 sentences on your LJ along with these instructions.
5. Don't you dare dig for that "cool" or "intellectual" book in your closet! I know you were thinking about it! Just pick up whatever is closest.
6. Tag five people

What is strategy? FM 100-5, Operations defines strategy as "the art and science of employing the armed forces or a nation or alliance to secure policy objectives by the application or the threat of force." If maneuver warfare is a thought process that allows us to pick the essential elements of information from our environment so that we might apply our efforts in the most efficient manner, then it should plly to the strategic level as well as the tactical. The efficiency is obtained by adhering to the "first commandment" of maneuver warfare: "attack weakness, avoid strength," and also by maintaining a consistent focus of all strategic efforts.

-Maneuver Warfare - An Anthology edited by Richard D. Hooker, Jr.

persona_system: Walking through the rain. Duty. (S: Duty)
And hilarious!

Even my rl double is girly. ;_;More awesome behind the cut. )
persona_system: (R: Pscyhonaut)
Hoorah! Today is the first (technically second!) day of our ACHIEVEMENT CHALLENGE!


For those of you not in the know, Sephiroth got together with the rest of the system and thought up a system of Achievements/Accomplishments for us to complete in our daily lives. We based this system off the ones you can find in many modern video games. There are easy internet achievements (like make a certain number of polyvore prompted sets), journal challenges, and even real life accomplishments like studying a certain number of hours a day and losing x amount of pounds!

After a lot of soul-searching and grilling everybody in the system for about a gajillion hours we all sort of came to the same conclusion. We aren't as productive as we could be, and a big part of that non-productivity isn't pure laziness. Instead it's a combination of lack of motivation (Pavlov <3, we won't get a reward), a feeling of constant failure (we never succeed so why bother trying), and negative associations with certain tasks we enjoy like drawing or playing the piano.

Yesterday we took the first steps to two of the easiest accomplishments on the list, and today we're starting on a couple of the more difficult challenges.

Wish us luck!
persona_system: "I am a soldier. I fight where I'm told, and win where I fight." (Default)
It's the big 21 today. The body is now as old as I was when I died. My feelings on this are kind of... mixed. On the one hand, woohoo, Zax, Ender and I have made it ten years, and heres to ten more. On the other hand the selfish part of me keeps saying things like, "If the body lives another year, it'll have outlived ME. Why couldn't I have my life instead?"

We got a very nice bracelet from our grandmother, and a computer we'll have to fix. We also got a beer from our mom's boss (lol), and dinner at Applebee's.

Lately I've been feeling very homesick. I almost always am, I think. I've always felt I don't really belong here. But lately it feels almost like spotlights have been throwing moments from my life into sharp relief. The clarity is both startling and painful. Zax says he thinks it's because the system has become a step more separated, each person removing their memories from the collective. I don't know if he's right, but whatever's causing it, I feel a bit like I can't handle it.

I guess I've realized that the only thing keeping me here is the people I care about. It's not that I have nothing here besides them. It's rather that the things I have here aren't worth as much as the things I used to have. Not that I can ever get my rank or position back, but I don't think I can achieve as much satisfaction in this world as I had then. I'd like to try, but I think I'll always feel like a general without an army to lead. That's how I feel right now. Redundant, useless, accomplishing things only for myself rather than the world as a whole.

Ender says he'll be able to create a stable, safe way for us to travel back and forth to our home worlds within six months. If he does, i think maybe I'd like to take some time off there.

Happy Birthday, Persona System.

TMI Meme

Jan. 24th, 2010 03:15 pm
persona_system: "I am a soldier. I fight where I'm told, and win where I fight." (Default)
1) Do you have a relationship with someone in your System?
Read more... )
persona_system: Walking through the rain. Duty. (S: Duty)
Being treated like shit for no reason at all.

Me: When are we going to the store tonight? :)
Mother: I have no idea! D:<

Okay mom. I asked a simple question. I'm sure I didn't distract you from your game that much. No need to freak out, or snap at me for asking a question that's relevant to everything I'll be doing this evening.

You'd think I would be used to this, but no. Ten... Eleven? years and it's still a shock.
persona_system: "I am a soldier. I fight where I'm told, and win where I fight." (Default)
100% functionality, I mean. Since this will be an xposted entry, quick recap for those who didn't hear the news.


Okay, so yesterday we got the computer back up and running. Today we uninstalled all the useless factory preset programs, etc. Installed firefox, bookmarked our main sites, and dl'ed a theme, logged back in to our main sites. Dl'ed a few pics for wallpapers and some nice icons for a fake doc at the top of the screen. Got our trays and toolbars looking snazzy. Got our folder system in the pictures folder ready, so there won't be any improv.

We'll download steam again, and our games maybe monday. We also have to download photoshop again, but I'm thinking of putting some money in the bank and upgrading to the latest version. We use it a lot for the business, and we're stuck using PS7. We bought it brand new years ago, but the tech's improved a lot.

Everyone's still sad about losing so much. I think maybe it hasn't really hit us yet. But I think we're all feeling sort of relieved too. It really sucks to lose those pics and fic, though. I mean, fuck. And our backup flashdrive (a little out-of-date, but better than nothing) isn't working. Oh well.

Three cheers for a new beginning, I guess.
persona_system: Walking through the rain. Duty. (S: Duty)
In the trash can...

1 diary filled with
-phone numbers
-advice given and taken

The diary included quotes from artists on the bottom of every page. I went through and typed out all the ones I thought were worth keeping. I typed out the jokes that are still funny six, seven, eight years later. I tore out a piece of paper with websites on it, all for goth clothing. I'm going to see which are still open.

I tore out all the photos and put them in a stack. One of our cousin Cole five years ago, one of our old friends Jessy and Sadie at the military ball, one of our dear friend Alex, her senior picture, and two of our ex. The only two we have of him. They aren't terribly flattering, but then he was never photogenic. Too many scars and broken noses, even if he did make all the girls swoon. There are other friends I wish we had pictures of. Carrissa and Sarah, who both have children now. Corrine, the first friend I had in this world, the girl who reminded me so much of Angeal. Anja and Albanie and the other girls we knew here in Texas.

I wish I had photos, so that I could put them in a box and sometimes take them out and say "These are the people who shaped our life. These are the people who mattered." I wish I could do physically what I've done with the memory of them, locking it away somewhere.

Our godmother gave us a little prayer book and a rosary pamphlet, and a small card. I'm keeping those, too. I know they're important to Farf, even if they don't mean much to me.

I took out a little card from the diary too. We've had it for nearly eight years now, I suppose. Maybe longer, maybe less. There's a fortune cookie paper glued to the top that says "Approach all areas of life with a bold enthusiasm." I used to. I want to again. The card itself has a bit of advertising garbage on it. But I always liked what it said.
"Imagine Your Self"
"A blank canvas. A clean sheet of paper. A long stretch of open road. This is the journey before the journey. The part where you get to have a say in the matter, before everyone else butts in and busts out the rulebook. Now it's up to you. Show everyone exactly what you're made of. Prove that you're not just another face in the crowd. Don't go unnoticed. And don't blend in. Life is what you make it."

There's a sagebrush branch. It still smells sweet. It still smells like home. But the scent has faded over the years. It isn't a clear as it used to be. It used to be like a sharp ringing bell, calling to mind all the images of loved ones, of friends, of hopes and dreams and a childhood that was never mine. Now the memories are as faded as this branch. I want to send it to someone. I want to send it to someone I care about, or someone I don't care about, or someone I hate. Anyone. I want to send it away to them and say "Look! This is the symbol of the place I used to call home!" I want to throw it in their face angrily, maybe. Or maybe show them how that home was as sweet and imperfect as this branch of sagebrush grown in the desert.

There's also eight letters from our ex. And that's where I stand at the crossroads. Maybe I'll read them one last time and throw them all away. Or maybe not. I'm afraid of doing something I'll regret. I've decided. I'm keeping two of the letters. The rest are going in the trash. That relationship is over. It's been over for a long time. I don't need it anymore. I don't need any of that anymore.

I'm not going to keep living in the past. I can't let it keep consuming me. I can't keep clinging to long-expired dreams and half-forgotten memories. This is it. This is the end of the past and the beginning of the future. I might not have those old friend by my side anymore, the ones from the photographs. But I have new friends. I have a new life.

Loves, I'm thinking of you. I want to move forward. Move closer to you, and further from the things holding me back.

persona_system: "I am a soldier. I fight where I'm told, and win where I fight." (Default)

Hoping none of the ranchers we know back home are among those affected. This is a terrible thing, and I hope they find the culprits and can return the cattle to their rightful owners.
persona_system: A hand against a beautiful sky. (Z: Bright)
We rang in the New Year with a raging fire and the smell of gun powder on the wind. I feel like there's something ironic about Seph's birthday being January 1st. Partially it's because he is someone who clings desperately to the past. He carved a childhood for himself in between lab visits and the days spent marching across Wutai, and those moments he made, they're special to him. Another year gone by is another year carrying him further from those things.

There's also some dark humor to him being at these bonfire parties on his birthday. The smell of burning wood, and the flames lapping against the sky... When I see them, all I see is Nibelheim superimposed across my vision. I know that's all Seph sees too. The fire. And the fireworks going off like missles, whistling all around us. Tonight I kept looking through the crowd, feeling like Seph wasn't standing in our headspace, but was standing there, next to us, and if I just looked around I would see him. See him with his hair streaming out like a banner in the flames.

It's unnerving.

The drive home felt like an eternity. It rained today, and then froze tonight, and the moon was out. It looked like a Robert Frost poem, as I peered out through the glass. Everything was grey and stark black against the sky. i feel like the world has come crashing down on my shoulders, all its weight, pushing me into the ground, and I don't know why. Why do I feel that way?

Seph, I'm thinking of you. Happy Birthday.

persona_system: "I am a soldier. I fight where I'm told, and win where I fight." (Default)
The end of the  year is approaching, which means we're halfway through the slowest season. In a few months we'll be back to making money. January (and probably February too) are going to be pretty slow. We've been talking as a system, and we've decided that this will be a good time to get into a schedule and work towards our goals.

1. Organizing our life
We're in this together. I think we're already a fair way there, mostly because we have nothing to organize. But we'd all like it to be better. Now the room is cleaned and (fairly) neat. Anything else we do with it will be simple rearranging of where things are stored, and buying/finding/making more logical storage for some things. We also need to organize our computer related stuff. That's really the biggest thing. Yesterday we started transferring our passwords/other info to a single book. We actually have a password book, but we started it in elementary school (actually it was started a few years before Seph and me even arrived here) so much of it is either obsolete or woefully out-of-date/useless. The laptop is in complete disarray. We've been working on that on and off, but someone (probably Nagi) will need to buckle down and get it cleared out.

2. Weight Loss and Minding our Health
Obviously we could stand to lose a pretty significant amount of weight. Seph managed to drag the system all around the front a couple weeks ago, and made everyone take a good long look in the mirror. I'll say this. We carry weight well. For being as heavy as we are, we don't have a bunch of unsightly bulges and the job keeps us in okay shape. We see women every day who weight much less and look much worse. But that doesn't mean any of us are HAPPY with our weight. I'd say most of us are pretty disgusted that we let it ever get this bad in the first place. Obviously, that's not a blame game we're willing to play. It happened when we were a) deeply depressed and b) pretty much stuck eating nothing but restaurant food. But, it happened, and it's not where we want to be. We lost about 20 pounds last year, I'd like to lose at least another 30 this year, but I think we could manage 50 easily with some minor lifestyle changes. Since we're in the winter months right now, this is a good time to make those changes, since we have time. Minding our health just means, brushing our teeth as much as we should, eating well, etc.

3. Reading More

This is difficult, because we desperately need a new pair of glasses, but if we replace the ones we have we'll either need to get the polarized lenses again or we'll need a regular pair and a sunglass pair. Either way it'll run about $350-$400 for the perscription/appointment and our damn lenses. It means we're limited to reading larger print books (we can manage Harry Potter, for example, all day) or reading small print books in shorter settings, which isn't really the most effecient way to read. Seph discovered he can get through a book only a little slower than normal if he sits at the computer desk and periodically switches from reading the book to reading on the screen and back again. Our Amazon Wishlist has grown out-of-bounds, though, and we really need to start working through it. Some of us love reading, after all. (Not me, I can't sit still)

4. Bringing more Happiness into our Life
This means, reconnecting with loved ones, enjoying the things that make us happy, rediscovering hobbies, being more active in the online communities we enjoy, drawing more (we're going to try and pick up non-digital mediums again), finding clothing we enjoy, and living a life that's positive rather than fearful. This will probably mean a bit of a changeroo in who's fronting. Sorry Seph, you won't be fronting 24/7 any more. :)

Anywho, I guess that's the most of it.


persona_system: "I am a soldier. I fight where I'm told, and win where I fight." (Default)

March 2010

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